Steamshovel Press


"Conspiracy" Theories vs. "Coincidence" Theories
by John Judge

      OK. You can call me a Conspiracy Theorist if you call everyone else a Coincidence Theorist. But n-o-o-o-o, only conspiracies are "theories", well. that and Evolution. Ya, right, if this is Intelligent Design, what is a BAD idea? I keep seeing all these so-called journalists barking at Conspiracy Theorists who think anything the government or the rich do could be less than benign. You might get away with criticizing the government for stupidity or incompetence, but if you even hint at intent or intelligent design on their part, youıre ONE OF THEM --­ a Conspiracy Theorist!

      Of course you could just take recent headlines and imagine saying them, say, even a year before they broke in the New York Times or the Washington Post, and who would have believed you then? There you are before 9/11 saying: The President is deliberately manipulating intelligence reports to sell a war with lies. The President has asked the NSA to start wiretapping citizens getting or making calls with someone suspect of being a terrorist abroad, and wonıt reveal the mechanism that allows the NSA to find such people, that's Top Secret.

      The President and the intelligence agencies have the names of some potential terrorists; they suspect they are "suicide hijackers". They know their method of attack is using planes as weapons and the specific terrorist targets include the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and the Capitol, and they have prepared to defend themselves against just such an attack. They have also gotten warnings from past and current National Security Advisors and many foreign intelligence agencies and leaders about the timing and imminence of such attacks.

      The President got a clear warning about Osama bin Laden planning attacks inside the US on August 6 and they never warned us. Colin Powell has told all the surrounding countries that the US would invade Afghanistan that October back in July, 2001, before any terrorist attacks have happened.

      I know, by now Iım sounding like a madman and grabbing your collar ­"You HAVE to listen!" Another conspiracy nut, right? But in real fact every sentence above is based on hard truth and people were blowing those whistles even back then. The President's NSA, Pentagon and FBIsurveillance is currently implementing the Tom Charles Houston plan, at least the part that was made public during Watergate, and maybe the rest, a plan that was called "fascist" by Senator Frank Churchıs committee that put an end to it back then. But, there I go again, Conspiracy Theorizing - unless you READ it.

      Funny, when the mainstream press reports something, then it's correctible and democracy has saved us once again. Ever hear of selective declassification? Itıs a coincidence that James Riser's story on the NSA surveillance broke the morning of the Senate vote on the Patriot Act, right? Even though he submitted it a year before?

      And it must be a coincidence that the Senate vote to restore the Patriot Act came the day after they were locked in the basement of a Senate building for three hours because of a sensor alarm indicating a chemical agent attack, right? And one more coincidence that on the eve of the initial passage of the Patriot Act envelopes with anthrax arrived in the offices of the two main Senate opponents of that Act and scared the bejesus out of Congress?

      Itıs about whole ways of looking at the world as benign or malignant. After all, how many coincidences does it take to convince you believe in a conspiracy? (Conspiracy means two or more people engaged in secret plans to do something illegal). Even the left admits there are SOME conspiracies, but they all get exposed and crushed real quick,because the people in power HATE them, and someone eventually spills them to Bob Woodward (Iım quoting Chomsky here, but you probably think Iım making that up too.) So, back to my point, how many coincidences does it take to make a conspiracy? Iıve been collecting them. I havenıt put enough on the plate yet? OK, hereıs two more. Brother, can you paradigm?

      For some people, the world and the government will never be anything but benign at heart, with maybe a few screw-ups by well-intentioned people, but certainly nothing really evil, secret, well-planned and successful. Someone would talk! Never mind that they ARE talking, which is why I know about it. Never mind that many die trying. Sometimes they talk about each other, ya know. The left paints the whole ruling class as one monolithic Structure, and then calls me a Conspiracy Theorist! I make one or two important links and they act like they meant to say "Entropy!" all along. Their conspiracy operates by way of a hidden, mystic hand. They canıt look at a tree, for fear of missing THE FOREST. Meanwhile, I study the trees, their branches, even their entwined roots, they make up THE FOREST. Ishmael Reed says in Mumbo Jumbo, "The real history of the world is a history of competing conspiracies."

      And it makes me wonder. After all, we seem to have no problem compiling REAL coincidences when it comes to our prejudices against groups we dislike and disdain, or are taught to hate. They can be ascribed malign intent in a nanosecond. THOSE PEOPLE. So, the powerless are really evil and the powerful are benign? In fact, we make excuses for them all the time. The Vietnam war? - that was just a policy mistake; the war on Iraq? ­ misguided but in the end worth it; the use of 9/11 to gut the Constitution and create a dual-legal system? - just overreaching in a crisis. They didn't really mean it.

      It was Hermann Goering in 1936 who said, "I know two types of law because I know two types of men, those who are with us and those who are against us." He didnıt mean it. Did the Nazis set the Riechstag afire to pass the Emergency Act or did they just cash in on it? Does it make a difference? Or is it really just that some day, while we have no aspiration to ever be one of THOSE PEOPLE, we secretly keep out the hope that we might become rich or powerful? And because of that, we give them a free ride? After all, what will people say of us when we control the violence of privilege against them?

      How many genocides does it take to make a fascist? How many war lies to make a dictator? How much theft to make a Senator? "You should have stolen a railroad," Mother Jones suggested to the shoe thief. How much bad result does it take to suggest a bad intent? Is it that if they did mean it, weıre REALLY in trouble and have to act? How many Brownshirt "idiots" to make a Nazi Party? How many distortions did it take to erase History? How many conspiracies did it take to make you believe in coincidence?

      It doesn't help that nowadays anybody with a suspicion and a bone to pick can be a Conspiracy Theorist, all you need is a website. If the latest rumor you hear fits your paranoid paradigm it must be true. If someone challenges it, they must be an agent of the conspiracy. If the facts or the photos don't fit your theory, they are really clever fakes. The LACK of evidence, at least that you have bothered to collect, PROVES you are right. Never mind scientific approach, logic, history, everyone is an expert once they see the video twice over, and whatever it is they SEE. And a real expert in the field who disagrees, well THEY would all lie anyway. How many IF TRUEs to make a THATıS THE TRUTH? If we had some eggs, we could have ham and eggs, if we had some ham.

      The political paralysis in America is based on the fact that we are allowed to BELIEVE anything but to KNOW nothing, Martin Schotz said so perceptively in History Will Not Absolve Us. And belief is the easiest of all methods aimed at finding the TRUTH, it takes almost no work and lots of prejudice. "I have a right to my opinion" now replaces the necessity to inform that opinion. Intellectual debate and growth are reduced to one single word now ­ "Whatever!" Post-literate, post historical, post-logical, post-methodical, we are a nation of BELIEVERS. It almost makes us THEORISTS look rational.

      Try to get your head around this profound insight of Thomas Merton in 1936, the same year the revelation but not the light was coming to Herr Goering: "If America fights Hitler, it will become Hitler."

      Whatever could he have meant? Must have been a Conspiracy Theorist, way back then.

      Just as I rolled off this set of thoughts a song came to me, since the only real nasty SIN of the ruling class is having illicit sex. THAT we can credit them with, probably because we are jealous. I thought about Clinton and Monica again and the words started rolling:


What did he do?

Did he recreate the DNA for the Tyrranosaurus Rex?

Did he manipulate some profit off the Stock Index?

Did he sell out to the Military-Industrial Complex?

Did he override the Congress, all Balances, no Checks?

Did he tell the NSA to spy on us and read our rolodex?

Did he drop another bomb on the Slovaks and the Czechs?

WHAT did the President do?

Why - haven't you heard? The President, THE PRESIDENT had SEX!!!!!

      Well you get the idea. Where is Monica when we need her? My chant,back when Clinton renewed the bombing of Bosnia on the eve of his ownimpeachment, was "Lies and Murder Are What They Teach. Now Here's A Crime They SHOULD Impeach" Even Christopher Hitchens liked that one and quoted me in The Nation. How many bombs does it take to make you believe in war?

* John Judge promises that his web site,, will be working soon.

Previous Latest Words
Strange Secrets: An Interview With Author Nick Redfern
Taken, Indeed
Connecting the Dots, the Padillas, and the Bisharas
A Brief, Yet Helpful Guide To Amerika's Eugenic Courts

Home  |  Order Steamshovel  |  Newsletter Signup  |  Link Tank  |  Contact Us
The Latest Word  |  Offline Illumination  |  Things Are Gonna Slide!  |  Alt.Media  |  Ferment

Copyright © 2006 Steamshovel Press. All Rights Reserved.