"Conspiracy" Theories vs. "Coincidence" Theories
by John Judge
OK. You can call me a Conspiracy Theorist if you call
everyone else a Coincidence Theorist. But n-o-o-o-o,
only conspiracies are "theories", well. that and
Evolution. Ya, right, if this is Intelligent Design,
what is a BAD idea? I keep seeing all these so-called
journalists barking at Conspiracy Theorists who think
anything the government or the rich do could be less
than benign. You might get away with criticizing the
government for stupidity or incompetence, but if you
even hint at intent or intelligent design on their
part, youıre ONE OF THEM -- a Conspiracy Theorist!
Of course you could just take recent headlines and
imagine saying them, say, even a year before they
broke in the New York Times or the Washington Post,
and who would have believed you then? There you are
before 9/11 saying: The President is deliberately
manipulating intelligence reports to sell a war with
lies. The President has asked the NSA to start
wiretapping citizens getting or making calls with
someone suspect of being a terrorist abroad, and wonıt
reveal the mechanism that allows the NSA to find such
people, that's Top Secret.
The President and the intelligence agencies have the
names of some potential terrorists; they suspect they
are "suicide hijackers". They know their method of
attack is using planes as weapons and the specific
terrorist targets include the Twin Towers, the
Pentagon and the Capitol, and they have prepared to
defend themselves against just such an attack. They
have also gotten warnings from past and current
National Security Advisors and many foreign
intelligence agencies and leaders about the timing and
imminence of such attacks.
The President got a clear warning about Osama bin
Laden planning attacks inside the US on August 6 and
they never warned us. Colin Powell has told all the
surrounding countries that the US would invade
Afghanistan that October back in July, 2001, before
any terrorist attacks have happened.
I know, by now Iım sounding like a madman and grabbing
your collar "You HAVE to listen!" Another conspiracy
nut, right? But in real fact every sentence above is
based on hard truth and people were blowing those
whistles even back then. The President's NSA, Pentagon
and FBIsurveillance is currently implementing the Tom
Charles Houston plan, at least the part that was made
public during Watergate, and maybe the rest, a plan
that was called "fascist" by Senator Frank Churchıs
committee that put an end to it back then. But, there
I go again, Conspiracy Theorizing - unless you READ
Funny, when the mainstream press reports something,
then it's correctible and democracy has saved us once
again. Ever hear of selective declassification? Itıs a
coincidence that James Riser's story on the NSA
surveillance broke the morning of the Senate vote on
the Patriot Act, right? Even though he submitted it a
And it must be a coincidence that the Senate vote to
restore the Patriot Act came the day after they were
locked in the basement of a Senate building for three
hours because of a sensor alarm indicating a chemical
agent attack, right? And one more coincidence that on
the eve of the initial passage of the Patriot Act
envelopes with anthrax arrived in the offices of the
two main Senate opponents of that Act and scared the
bejesus out of Congress?
Itıs about whole ways of looking at the world as
benign or malignant. After all, how many coincidences
does it take to convince you believe in a conspiracy?
(Conspiracy means two or more people engaged in
secret plans to do something illegal). Even the left
admits there are SOME conspiracies, but they all get
exposed and crushed real quick,because the people in
power HATE them, and someone eventually spills
them to Bob Woodward (Iım quoting Chomsky here, but
you probably think Iım making that up too.) So, back
to my point, how many coincidences does it take to
make a conspiracy? Iıve been collecting them. I
havenıt put enough on the plate yet? OK, hereıs two
more. Brother, can you paradigm?
For some people, the world and the government will
never be anything
but benign at heart, with maybe a few screw-ups by
people, but certainly nothing really evil, secret,
successful. Someone would talk! Never mind that they
which is why I know about it. Never mind that many die
Sometimes they talk about each other, ya know. The
left paints the
whole ruling class as one monolithic Structure, and
then calls me a
Conspiracy Theorist! I make one or two important links
and they act
like they meant to say "Entropy!" all along. Their
by way of a hidden, mystic hand. They canıt look at a
tree, for fear
of missing THE FOREST. Meanwhile, I study the trees,
even their entwined roots, they make up THE FOREST.
Ishmael Reed says
in Mumbo Jumbo, "The real history of the world is a
And it makes me wonder. After all, we seem to have no
compiling REAL coincidences when it comes to our
groups we dislike and disdain, or are taught to hate.
They can be
ascribed malign intent in a nanosecond. THOSE PEOPLE.
powerless are really evil and the powerful are benign?
In fact, we
make excuses for them all the time. The Vietnam war? -
that was just a
policy mistake; the war on Iraq? misguided but in
the end worth it;
the use of 9/11 to gut the Constitution and create a
system? - just overreaching in a crisis. They didn't
really mean it.
It was Hermann Goering in 1936 who said, "I know two
types of law
because I know two types of men, those who are with us
and those who
are against us." He didnıt mean it. Did the Nazis set
afire to pass the Emergency Act or did they just cash
in on it? Does
it make a difference? Or is it really just that some
day, while we
have no aspiration to ever be one of THOSE PEOPLE, we
out the hope that we might become rich or powerful?
And because of
that, we give them a free ride? After all, what will
people say of us
when we control the violence of privilege against
How many genocides does it take to make a fascist? How
many war lies
to make a dictator? How much theft to make a Senator?
"You should have
stolen a railroad," Mother Jones suggested to the shoe
thief. How much
bad result does it take to suggest a bad intent? Is it
that if they
did mean it, weıre REALLY in trouble and have to act?
Brownshirt "idiots" to make a Nazi Party? How many
distortions did it
take to erase History? How many conspiracies did it
take to make you
believe in coincidence?
It doesn't help that nowadays anybody with a suspicion
and a bone to
pick can be a Conspiracy Theorist, all you need is a
website. If the
latest rumor you hear fits your paranoid paradigm it
must be true. If
someone challenges it, they must be an agent of the
conspiracy. If the
facts or the photos don't fit your theory, they are
fakes. The LACK of evidence, at least that you have
collect, PROVES you are right. Never mind scientific
history, everyone is an expert once they see the video
and whatever it is they SEE. And a real expert in the
disagrees, well THEY would all lie anyway. How many IF
TRUEs to make
a THATıS THE TRUTH? If we had some eggs, we could have
ham and eggs,
if we had some ham.
The political paralysis in America is based on the
fact that we are
allowed to BELIEVE anything but to KNOW nothing,
Martin Schotz said so
perceptively in History Will Not Absolve Us. And
belief is the easiest
of all methods aimed at finding the TRUTH, it takes
almost no work and
lots of prejudice. "I have a right to my opinion" now
necessity to inform that opinion. Intellectual debate
and growth are
reduced to one single word now "Whatever!"
historical, post-logical, post-methodical, we are a
BELIEVERS. It almost makes us THEORISTS look rational.
Try to get your head around this profound insight of
Thomas Merton in 1936, the same year the revelation
but not the light was coming to Herr Goering: "If
America fights Hitler, it will become Hitler."
Whatever could he have meant? Must have been a
Conspiracy Theorist, way back then.
Just as I rolled off this set of thoughts a song came
to me, since the only real nasty SIN of the ruling
class is having illicit sex. THAT we can credit them
with, probably because we are jealous. I thought about
Clinton and Monica again and the words started
WHAT DID HE DO?
What did he do?
Did he recreate the DNA for the Tyrranosaurus Rex?
Did he manipulate some profit off the Stock Index?
Did he sell out to the Military-Industrial Complex?
Did he override the Congress, all Balances, no Checks?
Did he tell the NSA to spy on us and read our rolodex?
Did he drop another bomb on the Slovaks and the
WHAT did the President do?
Why - haven't you heard? The President, THE PRESIDENT
Well you get the idea. Where is Monica when we need
her? My chant,back when Clinton renewed the bombing of
Bosnia on the eve of his ownimpeachment, was "Lies and
Murder Are What They Teach. Now Here's A Crime They
SHOULD Impeach" Even Christopher Hitchens liked that
one and quoted me in The Nation. How many bombs does
it take to make you believe in war?
* John Judge promises that his web site, www.judgeforyourself.com, will be working soon.
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